"My Left Hand" A Quote From Sari Solden ~

This post "might" be left on untill this weekend. I feel it is that important and the message here is vital for those who have ANYONE in their lives who had ADD/HD.
I wanted to say something to those of you who contact me and leave comments ... Thank you and I feel endeared to you!

Ok... Sari Solden has wrote a book for women called " WOMEN with Attention Deficit Disorder." She is a >>psychotherapist<< who got diagnosed with ADD, mid-life, just like myself. I'm still trying to make it all the way through the book. I can only take bits at a time because I weep every time I come across my life being written by another's hand. I shutter because I read about certain things I have tried and tried to change ... but now I know these "things" will only be coped with ... for life. AGAIN- My doctor told me two or more years of grieving is what I could encounter... I'm glad he told me this because I would be thinking I'm nuts by now. Lately lonliness has been more than I have ever experienced. I don't unload every life problem here as I should not ... so uplifting others stories like Sari Solden is a way I can do to others as I would want done for myself. ~Everyone needs and wants to be understood.~
"MY LEFT HAND"
"During the initial writing of this book, I hurt my left hand and had to wear a brace. People were solicitous and sympathetic, constantly asking if I needed any help. This was startling to me because this was nothing compared to my AD/HD and my organizational problems.The solution to the physical problem was simple-I just didnt use my right hand. But I cant just "not use" part of my brain. I cant just say, "Well today I will just leave that part of my brian out of things." Not using my left hand was inconvenient, but people obviously understood there was something physical that I couldn't do. There was no self-recrimination or hiding. No emotion was attatched to it.
Again, it was nothing compared to the invisible disorder I can never get away from."
"Organization affects everything you do, say and think. It doesn't matter how many creative ideas one has if they cant organize them or communicate them. It premeates every moment of your life. There is no getting away from it."
Author: SARI SOLDEN .. "WOMEN WITH ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER" (p.42) ~

~I'm silenced by her truth, her experience ... there is so much behind her words.~

I personally have been under particular and constant stress's for about one to one and a half years and running now. To read through this book (designed for women) has saved my life and pained me with the truth all at once. If we could REALLY see the brokeness inside of those with or without disabilitites, I think we all would weep, then faint of the mere emotional pain of such an experience.God must be strong because he see's it all and still answers all prayers in His time.

I have a beautiful mind, it makes me weep these days but none the less it creates, loves, touches and does so much more ... I'm thankful~




WEEP:
ThesaurusLegend: Synonyms Related Words Antonyms
Verb 1. weepweep - shed tears because of sadness, rage, or pain; "She cried bitterly when she heard the news of his death"; "The girl in the wheelchair wept with frustration when she could not get up the stairs"
cry

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2003. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

As Promised ... October 1st/2006 Pictures, Minus The Original Journal Entry ... "Diminshing Me, Uplifting Those Who Have Gone Before Me" ~

THE ADHD-AUTISM CONNECTION: This book came to me, I did not look for it ... I stumbled across it after much prayer that involved asking for understanding as I needed relief from a lifetime of questions and ADD/HD was in my face ... we (ADD/HD and I) stared at one another and I had no weapons, knowledge or the like .... this book moved me first ~ http://www.adhdautismconnection.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Diane M. Kennedy is a former state advisory board member of Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (CHADD), a longtime member of the National Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA) and the Autism Society of America (ASA). Diane's husband, Tom, and her three sons each have various disorders which she discusses in this book.

COMMENT: "The numbers are skyrocketing - and so is the confusion. Most parents and even many professionals are perplexed by the overlapping syndromes, diagnostic categories, and classification schemes that are used to describe the rapidly growing population of behaviorally disordered children. In The ADHD-Autism Connection, Diane Kennedy provides a long needed and very welcome guided tour of what has come to be called the autistic spectrum. A valuable contribution."

Bernard Rimland, Ph.D., founder of the Autism Society of America
and director of the Autism Research Institute


I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful for it~

Reflecting and "being still"

Taking time to dream about the bright future ahead of me ....

I will now go back and read all of my past daily entries ... the ones you all have read! I will reflect and look forward to my
Jer:2911 ~

I'm changing things up here at Bella's right now. Instead of a typical journal entry each day, I will go back and capture the pictures that were woven into my "past" entries and post them here in the original order. My words will be little to none. I want to diminish what I have shared so far and uphold the histories of other voices that have gone before me, who have published there experiences, knowledge and findings.

To my daily readers ... I would love to hear of any memories or thoughts that are provoked as you re-live the photo trail that I re- invent, again with the histories and findings of other souls that have, ( in essence) traveled this road I have just begun.

For now, and with thanks as always .....

unamentebelle


Zoe ~

After The Mat ....

The Dojo ... A place I would have never dreamed I would know in life. I do not know how to fight and I cant beat anyone up ... but my mind is better for being there. I did some testing in my journey to figure out why I hit invisible walls in life over and over! Apparently my mind is not all that geared for being an engineer and spatially I scored low. The woman who read my results said, dance classes, Karate, things like that would be hard for you. I told her, I dance (social dance etiquette) and I'm a karate gal for fun as well. No I do not pick up on things as fast as the rest of the class.... I have to stop and write things down while my son does not and looks at me with a funny face when I’m running to the side of the mat to jot down some Wang chung short hand! :)
What I'm most amazed about is how God can go before us and divinely weave into our life things we need. I give myself credit for being sensitive to discern his guidance.... but little did I know ... He was taking care of me before I knew what lay ahead. My self-esteem (and for MANY with ADD sufferer's) gets the most damaged. Imagine walking into work and before you get into your office chair you hit a wall and fall over. You look all over for the wall but it is not there ... so your mind then says.... OK there is nothing here and I just fell on my fanny HOW STUPID AM I!! Multiply this experience times minutes, hours and days = years PLUS a few things you started but never finished ... BUT LEARNED A TON! Answer = self-perception –1. NOW ADD a touch of genius that can wax on the wickedest self-beatings articulating, every experience and detail perfectly (at warp speeds daily).... and people ask me...why do you grieve during this season?
Well anyways…. All of these pictures were taken tonight after karate class (Except the one in my Gee). I have a spring in my step when I leave the studio. Finding out Karate is good for the way my brain is crafted was cool beans after all … divine how things work out in life. I have been in Kenpo for four years now...through foot surgeries and life’s challenges, I have not stopped loving my art or continuing to go back.
My hair gets toughed up ... ((((((*&*&^%&%*))))) I think I have been so girly all of my life, it feels good to get aggressive in a safe environment, especially when you hit the bag and you get one of those ...eeew I THINK THAT WOULD HURT! :)
I give thanks for the gifts that have divinely woven healing into my life. I have discerned and chosen the materials, tools and artful textures to work with. There is a plan for me, a plan not of harm or evil, but of prosperity profound, I weave this truth into my mind heart and soul. I weave this truth into my everyday life and future and everything I am.... and all that my heart and hand touches ... for life and death are in the power of the tongue and those that use it will eat the fruit thereof~ Touché'
I have this beautiful mind for a purpose and I give thanks for it~

Comments,Thoughts and Facts...

Joe,
Thank you for commenting on my blog .
Joe said...
Hello Bella,
"Is it possible the drugs are complicating your thought processes.
The way you talk about your diagnosis is as if you been diagnosed w/ a terminal illness. Or have you always been like this."
BELLA: Point well taken. It sounds like you are picking up on my grief and low humm.... I'm going through a loss right now because I'm finding out that this ADD is never going to go away and I have searched my whole life as to why I feel the way I feel daily. There may be a heaviness that seems inappropriate or complicating but this is part of the grieving process and cant be rushed or denied ( believe me if I could do either I would) ! :) Yes indeed my diagnoses is "terminal as you say but not to the point of death. It is terminal by the way of
it being incurrable...see definition for terminal in this context.

Definitions of Terminal illness on the Web:
A condition that is incurable and irreversible.
www.aarpsegundajuventud.org/english/health/2003-nov/glossary.htm

I added experts from an article that might address some core knowledge about ADD that hopefully will address some mis-understandings.


***What Causes AD/HD?

"AD/HD is a very complex, neurobiochemical disorder. Researchers do not know AD/HD's exact causes, as is the case with many mental and physical health conditions."

"Recent technological advances in brain study are providing strong clues as to both the presence of AD/HD and its causes. In people with the disorder, these studies show that certain brain areas have less activity and blood flow and that certain brain structures are slightly smaller."

"These differences in brain activity and structure are mainly evident in the prefrontal cortex, the basal ganglia, and the cerebellum (Castellanos & Swanson, 2002). These areas are known to help us inhibit behavior, sustain attention, and control mood.
There is also strong evidence to suggest that certain chemicals in the brain-called neurotransmitters-play a large role in AD/HD-type behaviors. Neurotransmitters help brain cells communicate with each other. The neurotransmitter that seems to be most involved with AD/HD is called dopamine. Dopamine is widely used throughout the brain. Scientists have discovered a genetic basis for part of the dopamine problem that exists in some individuals with AD/HD. Scientists also think that the neurotransmitter called norepinephrine is involved to some extent. Other neurotransmitters are being studied as well (Castellanos & Swanson, 2002)."

"When neurotransmitters don't work the way they are supposed to, brain systems function inefficiently. Problems result. With AD/HD, these are manifested to the world as inattention, hyperactivity, impulsivity, and related behaviors."

"Children with AD/HD are often blamed for their behavior. However, it's not a matter of their choosing not to behave. It's a matter of "can't behave without the right help." AD/HD interferes with a person's ability to behave appropriately." ***

~THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENT AND I HOPE I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION!


Thank You God For My beautiful Mind ~


***Briefing Paper 14 (FS14)
3rd Edition, April 2002
Resources updated, 2004
Approx: 43 pages when printed.
PDF version


by Mary Fowler

Zoe...

I am loved...a Princess to a King ~

Jer 29:11 has come into my life in ways, I'm surprised that a bird has not landed on my shoulder and spoke this promise over me as it manifested at the oddest times in unlikely places.

I'm His Princess and I have a beautiful mind...and I'm thankful ~

Know who your friends are in your darkest hours~

I have made a decision to fight for myself as I go through this "Darkest Hour."

I will define and or re-define friendships and who I am for my health. I will tell my beautiful mind that it is annointed for purpose. "There is a plan unfolding for you" I will say..."To do great and mighty things beyond current knowing or understandings." Grief and tears may come as a natural result of living life. So this is true...OK...I'm true! I'm alive! Touche' I will bring on some of my Miss Zoe!!! Look for a weaving that will evolve here at Bella's from today on! A weave made of fibers untouchable, many colors of positive power mantra's that will form art, and the transformation of a human soul. I may undo a weave and re-do it better, the journey will be amazing and full of dynamics yet unseen.... stay tuned!

So far there has been a "live" story unfolding here....do you ever wonder what is in the center of it all? God is in the center, and I am unfolding a mystery of my very own mind. To visit Bella's is to experience a 36 year old woman walking through a mid-life diagnoses of ADD/HD. So common those letters ADD/HD ... white noise they have become! What is so profound to me is this "white noise" has a core of many unsung sad stories of lives mis-understood that are yet un-heard and literally left in the wake of the deficiet itself. Tell me, I say to myself....with this reality at hand, what are the chances, of those drowning in the depths of ADD/HD. Will they be heard when they live amongst the unbelieving? In a numb land of white noises, the climate is always overcast with the clouds of ignorance....rarely doth the sunlight shine. This is the lonliest land I have ever traveled, even though there are masses of others just like me....this is a dark land...who turnded down the lights and why?
Why is this the land a place of discovery where you find out who your true friends are? Why is this the land of grieving? Someone said to me this week...what is there to grieve Zoe, you have been this way your whole life! I wanted to say ... then you know more than I know. I wanted to ask, would you not grieve the "not knowing part" ESPECAILLY if everyone else knew, but you did not? How loney I say to myself...how ignorant are those who live on the outside of all of this, it is not their fault. However,if they had one small into my realities, their mouths would silence involuntarily. It validates me to say this becasue I strongly believe this is true. I have bottles of tears to prove this, tears that cant be cultivated at will, they bring pains in the body and some...hello world...do my words resonate anywhere in your soul? This week a person I call my _______ friend who has ADD betrayed me, left me in utter physical danger and trauma. I was directed by my boss who was knowledgeable RE: "med changes"(I was going through one) hence, my doctor and boss rescued me. I blame my friends ADD as the culprit in this betrayl. My ____ friend is medically trained who has ADD and it seems the land of white noise has taken a toll on this persons soul.....this I fear is where we fellow americans have led one another as a culture. Pride, lust, selfishness, mania untamed and greed are at the throats of the conscience's in our people. Let this story tell a tale of what unmanaged ADD can form in a person who is driven to distraction...the heart never connects properly and they are selfishly formed (not on purpose) into a clay pot that is hardened and marred.
**As a survival tactic, I declare with all that I am.....I will define my friendships both by observation and communication and live them out from there. I cant betray myself umongst the villagers of tribal commune's that hunt only for themselves. I will forgive such a people even as they hover over their kill only to keep secrets, unconfessed sin and a fake persona worn on their back...the persona they wear on their back is the only part of them they let anyone see, as they are a villager, a tribal member of the worlds ways, lacking the knowledge of who 'LOVE' is. This "love" unknown leaves a people who cant live out love profound. All mankind would do well to ponder this reality ..... I ponder, so I can nourish my mind to discern, so I may choose life......... as life and death are set before us all daily.

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful!