Mirror and Glass ...

There are two "refrences" in the scriptures that came to my heart this morning. One is about looking through a glass dimly ... meaning when we see spiritually, we only see in part.
The other refrence is about how we can look in the mirror and indeed see ourselves, but as soon as we turn away we forget what we look like.

I'm not a theologian but I believe this quick memory loss speaks to how we forget our sins and shortcomings ... kinda a warning I presume......something we could possibly put under our hat to keep us humble. This is why the Holy Spirit was left on earth to be a helper and more. I know I need all the help I can get.
I have here today, old pictures and new ones. Unless you fallow my blog you may not be able to tell which ones are which.
Both sets of photo's work with the mirror effect. As I reflect back, I see changes I have made and more changes I need to make. I did not just look at myself one day and realize my needs for change ... I had feedback and honesty from others. NOTE: When I looked at myself I did not see my need for sanctification at first..... but I loved my neighbor as myself and I started to seek change.

I believe some of the most detramental problems we as people posess are the ones we do not see OR at least we cant seem them very clearly. If we truly "SAW" we would change on our own prompting. I also believe these sins or shortcomings, if you will, are the very things that hurt others and ourselves the most. I need more than a mirror ... I need Gods help and loving honest people in my life.
I'm glad I sought change BEFORE I saw more cleary ....
My son has reaped the biggest benefit from this season ... he has seen a model for change like never before (no pride intended)....at least i'm looking a little better to him as my heart manifests all that is within it on a daily basis. I thank one of my best friends D___ for being open with me ... he was loving enough to wound me and boy did I wound ... but I knew it was all good.
Yes, even when it hurt I went to the FACT there is refrence to our human blindness and I was determined not to be a fool to the knowledge I had.....wew...I have made it this far ~

I have a beautiful mind ~I give thanks for all that God has given and that His mercies are new every morning~

What a difference !!

Please note: I have full permission from my son to share the following information. Last year my son was getting a straight up (F-) in Latin. Last report card he was getting an (A). Finals are again, getting graded and in came the results ... I was informed by my son that he got a 96% on his Latin final this week and there were 200 points total. He pointed out to me that last year he was getting 2% and 3%. This turn around happened in all his classes after med's for his ADHD and a special person who asks about his progress on a regular basis.....here is the evidence, the published information out there states ADD/HD patients respond best to coaching. We tend to get busy upstairs and in the process a low self esteem snowball affect takes over. A little you can do it takes us a long way ... from F's and D's to A's and B's.
I read about the sabotage issue last evening (seeing yesterdays post). The information stated that the behavior of sabotaging is a sub-conscience attempt to self protect. Author, Sari Solden encouraged us to take the time to recognize and slowly change in stages. I like that idea ~

Thanks to God for my beautiful mind ~

Seeking Out Sabotage with Random Thoughts ...

Sometimes life can be Black or White to me and I find myself temporarily color blind.

It is times like these here at Bella's when I find myself discovering once again. Sometimes the discovery process makes me feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life and here again I'm confronted with BIG lies that will take BIG faith to overcome.
When I take in everyday life, my mind produces creative streaks of lightning, so there is "magnitude" in all that I see, whether it be big or small. Some scientists spend their lives mathematically calculating explosions and what will get a man on the moon. I have spent my whole looking into peoples eyes .... if I saw pain it would impact me greatly. I actually remember looking UP at adults and taking them in and having many feelings run through my veins... Was I a child with a beautiful mind or is this all typical?
And please, don't get me wrong, I'm not a "reader" of mankind ...

I read on this sabotaging issue in regards to ADD in Sari Soldens book. I have to say I did quite the opposite of sabotaging relationships while growing up as I love people and wanted no-one to hurt... but these days I find myself doing this sabotage thing and I dont know why....but I'm glad I am seeing this. The good news is, there will be some healing in store for me.

I will end here with a "TO BE CONTINUED." I have needed to think about and Identify any sabotaging I may unconsciencly be up to. Tonight, I'm just one tired woman writing in her blog the night before and posting the written work on time for tomorrow.
I have a beautiful mind ... I'm thankful ~

The Guy And The Girl ...

Saturday night a girlfriend of mine called me and asked me to come out and meet a fella she is sweet on. She and I have over twenty years of history ... I'm honored to be trusted.
I liked this man ... he shares our faith, he does not date, hasn't in two years and goes to church every Sunday because he DESIRES to!! My girlfriend excused herself and he looked at me and said ..."I am scared" ... in essence he said, I'm scared because ... SHE .... SHE captures me! I told him there is nothing to fear and added all that she is and would be to the man that loved her. I told him he would never meet anyone like her again .. my friend is the most loyal woman I know in regards to relationships. I see a match ... I feel it in my bones but will he do right by her?

The next day we did what ALL females do .. we deliberated (see definition at bottom). We both could see all the high potential's. The thing that resonated most in me is this ... he was open even in his fear. I noted in my last two post's many things that tie into what I'm sharing here today. In this case, I will document and fallow a common scenario in the world of being single as it goes forward. Here I can remark on what is common and uncommon. This guy is already uncommon which is good and is scoring points. Today he scored big time in my eyes.
As we talked,I got out a book I'm reading on kissing dating goodbye. I read aloud about taking the first step into friendship ... not romance etc.

HE GAVE HER THE FIRST FLOWER AND I BET HE DID NOT EVEN KNOW IT!!
I GOT A CALL .... So my girlfriend calls me awhile after we "deliberated" and informs me that she got an message from "Mr.Right" that went a little like this...
Apparently he explained that he usually does not date, but would like to make an exception with her ... and told her he would like to "commit" to building a friendship with her.
She was already in harmony with him in her heart and messaged back that she would love to walk "side by side" and build that friendship .... here we go!!!
I was SO happy to hear this ..finally I see a man with some character!! She got scared on me just like Mr. Right did last night. I said ... has he left any question in your mind as to exactly where he is headed? She said no ... I called this fact out and said "then today everything is perfect" ... he has treated you well and proper and we will watch tomorrow come and go and hopefully we can say the same thing at the end of tomorrow and many days to come ... One day at a time, we dont even have to think ahead yet. The fear seemed to subside at these truths ... holding back the heart is not easy and we touched on that as well.
You may ask ..what is all the fear about?? Well many fella's use proper words, but RARELY have the actions fallowing up on his smooth talk. Women then wait, and wait and after the fella has moved on, we still wonder about that promise that was never kept, even if we never held the guys HAND!! Women have desires that root back from the days when we played with our baby dolls ... we never loose touch with our desires to be treated like a loved, adored woman who is THE ONLY one in the eyes of whom we love. I found this cute but true scroll if you will that SO matches a feminine hearts desires......
MySpace Codes from KawaiiSpace.com

If a husband were to memorize these truths and out of action and true love, let a woman know these things daily ... he would be translating her into heaven on earth!! IF a "Player" got a hold of these truths he could do some real evil because this stuff is what women long for ... it is what we dream about daily whether we realize it or not! I could say all this is just my opinion ... but I found the graphics you just read elsewhere ... I did not make all this up as I was going along here today! ;)
I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful ~
***Deliberate \De*lib"er*ate\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. Deliberated;
p. pr. & vb. n. Deliberating.]
To weigh in the mind; to consider the reasons for and
against; to consider maturely; to reflect upon; to ponder;
as, to deliberate a question.
Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)

True and honest love continued ....

I have more to say about what I witnessed in my sons life (see yesterdays entry).
I could take credit for the way he is but really I cant. My son has a free will and it has been through hard times that he has been molded. I am divorced from his father and I have raised my son alone since he was three....there is a story there but it is not to be shared yet. I guess what impacts me most is seeing how I have lived a life that has had a simple standard of truth and how it has affected my child. He has watched me be open and honest (in proportion of the need to be). I have given out this message ... if one cant do this (be open and honest) ...then who are you and what are you telling the world everyday? I had been in two long term relationships over the years, but this last year I started dating... The games people play and the lengths some people will go to try and get what they want without care of another is frightening. The cheating and deception is SO thick. At times I feel like our nation is no better than "Sodom and Gamorrah" and I grow weary at this thought. My son says ... "there are not many good men out there so your chances are slim Mom ...just letting you know". He recognizes this from his part of the world as well, via the children he goes to school with. People with ADD/HD tend towards literall interpretation RE: matters in life ... I have learned how to modify some of this but it is inherent. I think it is interesting that we (ADD/HD folks) have been put out in many ways throughout time. A girl I work with said something profound and true this week ...she said "the beautiful minds tend to be recognized after thay are dead." I could go on, but I think enough thought has been provoked in this entry so I will end here.
I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful .....

True Honest Love ...

I usually would not share what I'm about to share however I was so moved by this occurance that I
cant hold it in and I want it documented. I have always prayed in a particular way for my son in regards to a signifigant other, that would be in his life. My sons girlfriend is a lovely addition to our family. My son has been accepted into the fold of her family as well.
Every morning my son and I pray ... especailly for his sweetheart, as we are on our way to school. Nothing elaborate just want to bless the day before it begins. My son wanted me to hurry up and pray this morning so he could listen to some music before getting to school...I got frustrated as I had just pulled out of our neighborhood and was wanting a few seconds to settle in ...SO ... I told HIM to pray (I usually do the praying and he agrees). I caught him on this one, he was stunned now that the burden was on him. When he prayed for his girlfriend, it went a little like this .. he asked for healing to occur over time, so that she may live a longer life. Miss sweetheart has many chronic conditions that may shorten her life and I heard my son rally for her. Not only did he rally for her ... he has accepted her ... ALL OF HER! I wept later in the morning as I thought back to his prayer. Late this evening I shared with my son how he made me feel proud and honored to be his mom. I told him how lovely it was ... the way he loves Little Miss Sunshine (I love her too). My son told me he and his girlfriendhad a very open conversation about her health and that she had explained the consequences he could face by attaching his heart to her. My son went on to explain, that he had indeed told her he accepted her despite the potentail risks within his heart, and took on the possibility of loosing her someday. I told him that he has given her the greatest gift of love and acceptance. I told my boy that this act of love to a woman is very signifigant. I explained ... by not rejecting her, he most likely saved her a ton of emotional pain from the possible fella's who could have rejected her. I told my son that he is a real person ... who is true to himself and one who truly loves. I shared my morning prayer time occurance with two of my female friends and they were taken back ... I saw and heard their breath leap ... both women called my boy a man. Tonight I talked to my friend/little brother, Soleman. I read this entry to him. Soleman's response was ..."it is good to know there is another person out there that has a heart, because there are not many like your son out there" he also said .. "I raised a good boy" then stopped ...and said "actaully I should say MAN because no boy would ever do that."
True and Honest Love .... I'm personally very honored to witness such beauty!!

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful ....

Lil' Red and Goal Statements ....

Thanks for the comments about Lilly for those of you who wrote in!!! It was delightful to (in a way) share my joy and then have a return via the comments. Yep ... sigh, I have fallen for a four door! :) I will keep everyone updated as to How Lilly is ... I cant wait to give her a hand washing!


~ My sister and I have been looking into a business plan ... No secrets will be shared on this yet ... I will say, it is the best business plan I have ever seen! We will be writing goal statements about everything regarding our futures ... I like this idea. That Bibbia book says without a vision, people perish ... Cultivating the heart and mind for a future and a hope is fun I think. I have heard that most people who makes goals and write them down end up going back years later and noticing they have accomplished much, if not all that they professed to do. So Profess on I say to myself ... even if I feel I cant accomplish something I will profess that I will!

Here begins yet another season in my life ... I can feel the sunshine, it seems like fall and winter have passed and the more pleasing weather is here and more is on its way. I'm amazed looking back into October and November of 2005 ... so glad I'm not there any more but would not exchange that pain, as I have internally evolved to a place where I embrace myself in a way that is balanced and healthy. What is on the tree now that the leaves have blown off? I say "anything I want" will be on the tree. I will dream and make dreams come true, I will continue to fight for others, after I fight for my family first. I see blooming petals on the branches with all kinds of different fruits and even some exotic ones like grapes that are suppose to be grown on a vine. No limits, nuts figs veggie's .... no limits!
The tree is big and the trunk is majestic and gives the assurance in its structure that it is rooted and grounded. The tree is planted by living water and will never die or suffer severe and chronic drought.
I have a beautiful mind and thankfulness spills over in me for this ~