The inside and outside dont match ...

This picture is yet another visit through our the past "photo" journal -Oct 4th "Where Mercy and Peace Kiss" is the name if that entry to be exact. I look back and I wrote some silly poem I now think is kinda ... ummm ... yah. Oh well, there is something that changes you as this is experienced however. I for one learn to honor the fact that I felt something sincere at the time and that resonates good stuff inside of me.

The inside and outside do not match ... Yes I have the-I want to be oraganized and be perfect but I'm not thing as well- I am really working on this issue now with a good friend of mine (She is an Angle) and is coming over one time a week ... yes I'm ridding my life of as much extra baggage as possible, THANK-YOU TT!! ;) The simple life = a more organized brain..weird but painfully true and real for ADD/HD brains. We literally freeze when we walk into an overly cluttered space that belongs to us! Sari talks about this in her book > P.47 " I have a Ph.D, but I cant figure out how to clean my closet. I just stand there and stare at it. I don't remember where things go or what to do. I get so confused and overwhelmed." END QUOTE!! Si! I could never figure out why home stayed impeccable when I had a perfectly organized system going on. Once it got out of balance, I would struggle. When I was a stay at home mom, my home was in order. I had some friends challenge me to do this and I did. When I had to be mom, dad and more, and could no longer stayed at home with my child, the difficulties erupted and stress settled in like mad.
Gotta add a new pic .. I'm cheating from the original plan I know...


"There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs" Ansel Adams

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful.
Zoe~

More Promises ...

As promised again .... these pictures are from the entry for October 3/06.
"THEY MIGHT ALSO BE EXTREMELY SENSITIVE TO VISUAL STIMULUS AND PHYSICAL MOVEMENTS AND BE HIGHLY DISTRACTED BY BOTH THEIR INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL WORLDS. P. 11 SARI SOLDEN'S "WOMEN WITH ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER."
My girlfriend reminded me yesterday about a time she offered and tried to put up my long hair. She teased me because I was hypersensitive and wiggled my way out of it. I personally do have some sensory bugs and I have been teased a bit or told that I was "picky". This is not feedback I get often but my closest of friends know somethings about me and at times accommodate me. I have noticed this kindness from these friends and I'm very thankful when thought of in regards to sensory issues. Mind you , we have never called out that I have sensory issues but we can look back now and see why I wiggled; giggled and made a yuck face at things most others would not. Again this journey has been fascinating as the answers to many things big and small come to light !

I love that I'm sensitive .... it helps me in many ways and especially helps me more sensitive and caring to others!
I have been blessed with a beautiful mind ~

Good Morning "Sassy"!!!

I just had to say - Good Morning!!

The computer I use for this Blog belongs to a friend of mine ... I named this i mac book "SASSY" yep that is HER name! I'm saying good morning to the sun today and to the fact that I have been feeling a bit better the last couple days ... nice!
... here is something funny about me ... I talk to this computer because I kinda love her ... "GOOD MORNING SASSY" isn't it nice out today? It is not unusual to hear me say that when I'm hanging out with her, she keeps me in good spirits because we are both very creative!!


I'm out the door taking my boy to school ... our every morning tradition~
I have a beautifully made mind and I'm thankful for it ~


The last post "My Left Hand" is still below and posted for an insightful read!
Ciao from Bella ~

"My Left Hand" A Quote From Sari Solden ~

This post "might" be left on untill this weekend. I feel it is that important and the message here is vital for those who have ANYONE in their lives who had ADD/HD.
I wanted to say something to those of you who contact me and leave comments ... Thank you and I feel endeared to you!

Ok... Sari Solden has wrote a book for women called " WOMEN with Attention Deficit Disorder." She is a >>psychotherapist<< who got diagnosed with ADD, mid-life, just like myself. I'm still trying to make it all the way through the book. I can only take bits at a time because I weep every time I come across my life being written by another's hand. I shutter because I read about certain things I have tried and tried to change ... but now I know these "things" will only be coped with ... for life. AGAIN- My doctor told me two or more years of grieving is what I could encounter... I'm glad he told me this because I would be thinking I'm nuts by now. Lately lonliness has been more than I have ever experienced. I don't unload every life problem here as I should not ... so uplifting others stories like Sari Solden is a way I can do to others as I would want done for myself. ~Everyone needs and wants to be understood.~
"MY LEFT HAND"
"During the initial writing of this book, I hurt my left hand and had to wear a brace. People were solicitous and sympathetic, constantly asking if I needed any help. This was startling to me because this was nothing compared to my AD/HD and my organizational problems.The solution to the physical problem was simple-I just didnt use my right hand. But I cant just "not use" part of my brain. I cant just say, "Well today I will just leave that part of my brian out of things." Not using my left hand was inconvenient, but people obviously understood there was something physical that I couldn't do. There was no self-recrimination or hiding. No emotion was attatched to it.
Again, it was nothing compared to the invisible disorder I can never get away from."
"Organization affects everything you do, say and think. It doesn't matter how many creative ideas one has if they cant organize them or communicate them. It premeates every moment of your life. There is no getting away from it."
Author: SARI SOLDEN .. "WOMEN WITH ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER" (p.42) ~

~I'm silenced by her truth, her experience ... there is so much behind her words.~

I personally have been under particular and constant stress's for about one to one and a half years and running now. To read through this book (designed for women) has saved my life and pained me with the truth all at once. If we could REALLY see the brokeness inside of those with or without disabilitites, I think we all would weep, then faint of the mere emotional pain of such an experience.God must be strong because he see's it all and still answers all prayers in His time.

I have a beautiful mind, it makes me weep these days but none the less it creates, loves, touches and does so much more ... I'm thankful~




WEEP:
ThesaurusLegend: Synonyms Related Words Antonyms
Verb 1. weepweep - shed tears because of sadness, rage, or pain; "She cried bitterly when she heard the news of his death"; "The girl in the wheelchair wept with frustration when she could not get up the stairs"
cry

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2003. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

As Promised ... October 1st/2006 Pictures, Minus The Original Journal Entry ... "Diminshing Me, Uplifting Those Who Have Gone Before Me" ~

THE ADHD-AUTISM CONNECTION: This book came to me, I did not look for it ... I stumbled across it after much prayer that involved asking for understanding as I needed relief from a lifetime of questions and ADD/HD was in my face ... we (ADD/HD and I) stared at one another and I had no weapons, knowledge or the like .... this book moved me first ~ http://www.adhdautismconnection.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Diane M. Kennedy is a former state advisory board member of Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (CHADD), a longtime member of the National Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA) and the Autism Society of America (ASA). Diane's husband, Tom, and her three sons each have various disorders which she discusses in this book.

COMMENT: "The numbers are skyrocketing - and so is the confusion. Most parents and even many professionals are perplexed by the overlapping syndromes, diagnostic categories, and classification schemes that are used to describe the rapidly growing population of behaviorally disordered children. In The ADHD-Autism Connection, Diane Kennedy provides a long needed and very welcome guided tour of what has come to be called the autistic spectrum. A valuable contribution."

Bernard Rimland, Ph.D., founder of the Autism Society of America
and director of the Autism Research Institute


I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful for it~

Reflecting and "being still"

Taking time to dream about the bright future ahead of me ....

I will now go back and read all of my past daily entries ... the ones you all have read! I will reflect and look forward to my
Jer:2911 ~

I'm changing things up here at Bella's right now. Instead of a typical journal entry each day, I will go back and capture the pictures that were woven into my "past" entries and post them here in the original order. My words will be little to none. I want to diminish what I have shared so far and uphold the histories of other voices that have gone before me, who have published there experiences, knowledge and findings.

To my daily readers ... I would love to hear of any memories or thoughts that are provoked as you re-live the photo trail that I re- invent, again with the histories and findings of other souls that have, ( in essence) traveled this road I have just begun.

For now, and with thanks as always .....

unamentebelle


Zoe ~

After The Mat ....

The Dojo ... A place I would have never dreamed I would know in life. I do not know how to fight and I cant beat anyone up ... but my mind is better for being there. I did some testing in my journey to figure out why I hit invisible walls in life over and over! Apparently my mind is not all that geared for being an engineer and spatially I scored low. The woman who read my results said, dance classes, Karate, things like that would be hard for you. I told her, I dance (social dance etiquette) and I'm a karate gal for fun as well. No I do not pick up on things as fast as the rest of the class.... I have to stop and write things down while my son does not and looks at me with a funny face when I’m running to the side of the mat to jot down some Wang chung short hand! :)
What I'm most amazed about is how God can go before us and divinely weave into our life things we need. I give myself credit for being sensitive to discern his guidance.... but little did I know ... He was taking care of me before I knew what lay ahead. My self-esteem (and for MANY with ADD sufferer's) gets the most damaged. Imagine walking into work and before you get into your office chair you hit a wall and fall over. You look all over for the wall but it is not there ... so your mind then says.... OK there is nothing here and I just fell on my fanny HOW STUPID AM I!! Multiply this experience times minutes, hours and days = years PLUS a few things you started but never finished ... BUT LEARNED A TON! Answer = self-perception –1. NOW ADD a touch of genius that can wax on the wickedest self-beatings articulating, every experience and detail perfectly (at warp speeds daily).... and people ask me...why do you grieve during this season?
Well anyways…. All of these pictures were taken tonight after karate class (Except the one in my Gee). I have a spring in my step when I leave the studio. Finding out Karate is good for the way my brain is crafted was cool beans after all … divine how things work out in life. I have been in Kenpo for four years now...through foot surgeries and life’s challenges, I have not stopped loving my art or continuing to go back.
My hair gets toughed up ... ((((((*&*&^%&%*))))) I think I have been so girly all of my life, it feels good to get aggressive in a safe environment, especially when you hit the bag and you get one of those ...eeew I THINK THAT WOULD HURT! :)
I give thanks for the gifts that have divinely woven healing into my life. I have discerned and chosen the materials, tools and artful textures to work with. There is a plan for me, a plan not of harm or evil, but of prosperity profound, I weave this truth into my mind heart and soul. I weave this truth into my everyday life and future and everything I am.... and all that my heart and hand touches ... for life and death are in the power of the tongue and those that use it will eat the fruit thereof~ Touché'
I have this beautiful mind for a purpose and I give thanks for it~