2006 ...

The very first picture: The black and white one, head leaning on hand and no smile ... actually I was not feeling well that day ... the pic was a fluke really, I was just playing around with that i mac book "Sassy" that I have come to love. She visits my home when I need her ... she has saw me through the roughest times during 2006 showing me myself when I was not really looking. I saw art and creativity and then at times I saw a woman in process...

2nd picture: "The journalist" a new found way of taking pictures "in cartoon" as I happily embraced the fact that I would not have to write daily with zero creativity to go with my words ...
3rd picture: Wow, I can do black and white photos close up and take all of the little flaws out ..tee hee..my little secret!
4th and 5th Picture .... green with grief and in sepia sadness I did travail. Funny that I took all of these pictures essentially by myself ... I felt alone as well. This season was so painful that I cringe when I look back .. those days are still doing a work in me. I stand more patient and confident than ever now and I have a compassion for people I have never had before ... this is good. There are many other internal strengths that this pain birthed in me... like I said there is still a work cultivating inside of my soul.
6th picture: A FAVORITE ... "the" black and white shot with the brainiac glasses on my face. Mind you ... I had zero makeup on (purposely) and came up with this the scholar if you will. I love this picture as it symbolizes the beautiful mind at work wrapped in creativity and "smarts." I never think about Bella's being beautiful' in Italian because it is not my native tongue, it just does not resonate. As I continued my painful grieving, journaling and picture documentation, I began to see beauty all around this whole season I was going through.

7th picture: Well I did not intend to have this be the seventh picture. I started to write as I'm watching the slide show, I was going to write about prayer ... the number seven reminds me of God. Does it surprise me that this just happened ... no and I do not mean to be mystical about this ... I do not have to be really, I just continue to document as I have been and strive to be as "real" as possible.
8th and last picture: I am re-creating my life in many ways, taking the shadows of an invisible disorder and showing the dance to everyone in the most creative of ways that I can come up with. This mid-life diagnoses story is not over ... it has left me speechless in many ways, but I could not and would not stop expressing. As soon as the words come I will share them. Stay tuned because the "winds" have changed my mind for a season I have yet to unveil (with Gods Grace and help) of course shall this be done ... I never work and walk in this life alone, even when I feel the opposite.
"He" has given me a beautiful mind and I am very thankful~

P.12 Edward M. Hallowell MD (Driven To Distraction) ...

"pg.-12"
"It cant be said when ADD came into existence. The fidgety, overactive child has been around, one may presume, for as long as children have been around. And they have not been treated well."

"The treatment of children has been terrible throughout history, one of the consistent but little-mentioned black marks in most every epoch of human civilization; people have seldom differentiated much when it comes to children who behave "badly." " Too often, it was simply recommended that these children be beaten, or in some cases killed." END QUOTE ~

Dr. Hallowell goes on to talk more about how the ADD behaviors have been around for centuries and how only in recent history has ADD been recognized as a medical condition. Is it possible that there is more to discover..?... of course! We do not even know the origin of ADD yet. Not as a child but as an adult I have experienced it myself ... rejection, abuse, being misunderstood and left for dead in the wake of inhumane natures at work (that enjoy) hurting people. Been there, I believed what Dr. Hallowell expressed long before I found it in his book ....why..?...because experience cant lie. Why shield myself from the truth only to be vulnerable to more mistreatment.
I have a very beautiful mind and I'm thankful for this ~

Happy New Year!!

I'm lookin into the New Year with color .....

I never make resolutions .... but I will make "professions!"
I have a beautiful mind. For every thorn it has there are triple rose buds.... for every quirk it shows forth there is triple wisdom and for every judgement it may provoke there will be triple vindication with an extra measure of justice and grace for all I have ignorantly judged~

Mr. Hallowell MD ...

Dr. Halowell talked on some interesting facts RE: how (many many moons ago) children who had symptoms/behaviors that were likened to ADD/HD were either badly beaten or put to death. I will quote what he wrote from his book soon, I have been busy with the Holidays and need to get back on track here at Bella's.

I have been talking to people in my inner circle of friends or people who can get "clinical" about these types of matters. I have been saying for awhile that it seems ADD/HD humans are persecuted and not tolerated ... I used to be a persecuter as well. I see a need for some clean up ..... I will say this over and over as to birth into the light that which is in the dark ~

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful.

Found ...

I found some extreemly interesting information that I'm not sure how to communicate.

I guess I would say more if I had been here spilling out my currnet thoughts ... I should do this first as to show why this new information is resonating within me so much.

I'm on my way to the doctor this morning for an EEG on my beautiful brain ... i will explaine more later.



I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful .....

Merry ....

Merry Christmas and a wish from me to you for a Happy New Year ~

Patience ...

"We are all like children"..... It was once said that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child but the rod of correction will drive it far from him .... please note, I don't think a "rod" is a physical swatting stick. I believe "correction" executed with wisdom is the "rod" more than not (my opinion alone here). Sometimes the truth hurts but is much needed ... who wants to stay a fool...?... Maybe one who runs from certain pains in life...? .... the kind of pains that are actual thresholds we must cross and bear to continue to gain wisdom, knowledge and maturity in life. I see many people including myself wanting do deny this process. In my estimation, if one does, they MUST adjust their mind to "denial" mode to do so without constant guilt. We humans innately know better, every day we choose one of two paths in every decision we make and every choice we execute.

I found myself having to correct someone last evening ... Note: I have full responsibility to correct this person who is (blood related and under that age of eighteen). This person was about to stop me from pointing out the genetics (ADD/HD Diagnoses) in someone's family. This individual I "was" talking with had just explained to me "quirks" if you will that provoked a sever physical response in their body after their mind lit up with an idea. I said to this lovely person ... can I tell you what truth I think is blaring here??? Here is where the course of the conversation changed due to being interrupted and challenged. Interruption and challenge is good .... this is where opportunity knocks.
I took the stage back and said something like this .... If this person I'm talking to needs to know where this severe physical response MAY be rooted and you thwart the possibility of them getting an answer or receiving a valid suggestion you are cursing that person ... essentially encouraging or nurturing them to be or stay in a "denial" mode. Once someone's mind is open to reason why close it off?
Then I shifted gears to loose some grace on my challenger but I did this by attempting to use wisdom. Note: I did get a jaw drop response and awe filled eyes as a return response. My grace offering to my challenger was put like this ..... I know people may get tired of me saying "ADD/HD" but this is the only path I have to communicate with the general population! ((NOTE: I happened to know the reason why I got challenged and interrupted ... it had much to do with being tired of hearing ADD/HD mixed in with some denial)). I went on to share this .... If you read my blog and look at the end of each entry you will see a confession, mantra or a giving of thanks regarding my beautiful mind. Yes, I say I have a beautiful mind or a "Da Vinci" mind would be a better way to explain oneself here. I stated this fact .... I have chosen the verbiage ADD/HD so people will not persecute me .... I have decided not to express on a regular basis that Einstein and Loenardo Da Vinci had beautiful minds and I have the same vein of beauty in my mind (with thorns no doubt) as they did. Pretty soon the whole shade changed over this entire conversation. I went on to explain that I had not shared this before, at least not like this judging by the jaws that were open wide and the ears that were soaking up my words .... my challenger was indeed silenced by my grace offering. I'm grieving because of simple matters like the tiredness; difficulty learning and talking to much and knowing people look at you sideways ((all thorns)) that go with MY beautiful mind. I guess Abe Lincoln was socially quirky but look at the truth ... that is not all that He is known for( his quirks).... I never knew that he had ADD like quirks until I researched ADD/HD symptoms. I have much to say about the emerging of beauty that occurs in my life of discovery daily... but I'm judged as I am already ... why add insult to injury?

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful for it ~