Hmmm....

I dont know what to put as the title today. I had an appointment with a third psychologist for the first time today who will be looking into my medications. The other two Docs I had on board worked on the official diagnoses. I hate med changes but I go through it becasue it helps me know and understand what may be out of balance in my brain functions. I heard once that one of the "noted" antidepressants around...taken over a long period of time showed re-growth in the hypothalmus. I asked the Doc ... will doing this help my brain kick up the connections/chemicals or whatever if taken consistantly ... he said no. I'm looking into grade A essential oils as they are like liquid acupunture (in my mind) and HIGHLY affective at causing the brain to be oxygenated and certain cells walls in the body to soften again after the abuse they get through our daily habits. These are JUST two areas ... there are many oils for many purposes. If you look into ancient medicine (the bible) you will find essentails oils at the top .. not a perscription to cure back then ... this fact alone is something to think about. it is evident that I have been working hard on my health ... and I will not stop. I saw my foot doctor today as well I told him I need to get this foot back because I had a heck of a year. He asked why and I told him I was diagnosed mid-life with ADD/HD. In a nut shell he was all over that and understanding me...he told me he has 1 child that has aspegers another with ADD and a third that has bi-polar. I told him what I have told everyone ...read the ADHD-Autism connection by Daine M. Kennedy. Wow what a day so far.
I have a beautiful mind and I thank God for it...

Candy Cane Coffe and Jingle Bell socks .....

I really have a fun life! These pictures were taken once upon a morning ... a documentation of my daily ritual as I bring my son to school for the fifth year in a row ... it is nice to have this time with him before we start our day~

I can assure you, that I in no way looked put together this morning! :)

Profile of my morning driving attire: Starting with my toes... (1) pair of hand knit, red and white striped socks with a green fuzzy tassle AND BELL at the ankle. (2)Baby Blue Pj's bottoms with yellow rubber ducks, white bubbles with a v neck t-shirt to boot! COAT: NOT my italian red leather one you see in the picture's...rather my full length sweater coat that goes from the very top of my feet on up and has "knit" buttons (people love this coat)!
Profile of my journey to school and back: My son and I have some baisc life instruction RE: how to defrost the rear window (again) as he starts the car every morning. After I drop my boy off, I head back home and decide I better get a cup of coffe as I have a meeting this morning and then I have to work ... I'm busy. I see my local gas station friends have a bare parking lot !! SWEET! I fold over the bells on my candy cane, hand knit socks as to not alarm anyone in the store.....as I enter my friends greet me with smiles. The woman cashiering knows me and I giggle and tell I'm in my pj's doing a 007 run for coffee ..... and the next thing you know .... she offers me the rest of their candy cane coffee from the holidays! Five sealed bags of candy cane coffee!! I never make coffee at home, but I know a few who do. One of my favorite ways to drink coffe is with a mint (I rarely do this) but this coffe fits the bill as far as liking! As I get finished paying for my piece of fruit and cup of coffee, I confess the fact the I have socks with bells on them and that I flipped over the top as to ,,,,and the attendant finished my sentance___"so no one could hear!!" We laughed ... then she said "TELL NO ONE.. I wont tell anyone" .. and we both giggled again and called the situation WAY too funny!

This could leave one to wonder what it would be like to be in my shoes for one day.
I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful!
P.S. My grandma knit those candy cane socks ... life is fun, now I have a story to tell her!

Saturday (ECC:3)...

Kirk Franklins "September" is my song for the Year ... (A) September is when my birthday is and (B) Listen to the words!
See This MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/kirkfranklin

This link is for those who read regularly ... you have followed my season and I hope this song brings it all together for you! Look below at all the seasons life can bring!

Ecclesiates 3
There's a Right Time for Everything

1 There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

2-8 A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

I purpose to be thankful that I can go through seasons with the beautiful mind I have been given ~

2006 ...

The very first picture: The black and white one, head leaning on hand and no smile ... actually I was not feeling well that day ... the pic was a fluke really, I was just playing around with that i mac book "Sassy" that I have come to love. She visits my home when I need her ... she has saw me through the roughest times during 2006 showing me myself when I was not really looking. I saw art and creativity and then at times I saw a woman in process...

2nd picture: "The journalist" a new found way of taking pictures "in cartoon" as I happily embraced the fact that I would not have to write daily with zero creativity to go with my words ...
3rd picture: Wow, I can do black and white photos close up and take all of the little flaws out ..tee hee..my little secret!
4th and 5th Picture .... green with grief and in sepia sadness I did travail. Funny that I took all of these pictures essentially by myself ... I felt alone as well. This season was so painful that I cringe when I look back .. those days are still doing a work in me. I stand more patient and confident than ever now and I have a compassion for people I have never had before ... this is good. There are many other internal strengths that this pain birthed in me... like I said there is still a work cultivating inside of my soul.
6th picture: A FAVORITE ... "the" black and white shot with the brainiac glasses on my face. Mind you ... I had zero makeup on (purposely) and came up with this the scholar if you will. I love this picture as it symbolizes the beautiful mind at work wrapped in creativity and "smarts." I never think about Bella's being beautiful' in Italian because it is not my native tongue, it just does not resonate. As I continued my painful grieving, journaling and picture documentation, I began to see beauty all around this whole season I was going through.

7th picture: Well I did not intend to have this be the seventh picture. I started to write as I'm watching the slide show, I was going to write about prayer ... the number seven reminds me of God. Does it surprise me that this just happened ... no and I do not mean to be mystical about this ... I do not have to be really, I just continue to document as I have been and strive to be as "real" as possible.
8th and last picture: I am re-creating my life in many ways, taking the shadows of an invisible disorder and showing the dance to everyone in the most creative of ways that I can come up with. This mid-life diagnoses story is not over ... it has left me speechless in many ways, but I could not and would not stop expressing. As soon as the words come I will share them. Stay tuned because the "winds" have changed my mind for a season I have yet to unveil (with Gods Grace and help) of course shall this be done ... I never work and walk in this life alone, even when I feel the opposite.
"He" has given me a beautiful mind and I am very thankful~

P.12 Edward M. Hallowell MD (Driven To Distraction) ...

"pg.-12"
"It cant be said when ADD came into existence. The fidgety, overactive child has been around, one may presume, for as long as children have been around. And they have not been treated well."

"The treatment of children has been terrible throughout history, one of the consistent but little-mentioned black marks in most every epoch of human civilization; people have seldom differentiated much when it comes to children who behave "badly." " Too often, it was simply recommended that these children be beaten, or in some cases killed." END QUOTE ~

Dr. Hallowell goes on to talk more about how the ADD behaviors have been around for centuries and how only in recent history has ADD been recognized as a medical condition. Is it possible that there is more to discover..?... of course! We do not even know the origin of ADD yet. Not as a child but as an adult I have experienced it myself ... rejection, abuse, being misunderstood and left for dead in the wake of inhumane natures at work (that enjoy) hurting people. Been there, I believed what Dr. Hallowell expressed long before I found it in his book ....why..?...because experience cant lie. Why shield myself from the truth only to be vulnerable to more mistreatment.
I have a very beautiful mind and I'm thankful for this ~

Happy New Year!!

I'm lookin into the New Year with color .....

I never make resolutions .... but I will make "professions!"
I have a beautiful mind. For every thorn it has there are triple rose buds.... for every quirk it shows forth there is triple wisdom and for every judgement it may provoke there will be triple vindication with an extra measure of justice and grace for all I have ignorantly judged~

Mr. Hallowell MD ...

Dr. Halowell talked on some interesting facts RE: how (many many moons ago) children who had symptoms/behaviors that were likened to ADD/HD were either badly beaten or put to death. I will quote what he wrote from his book soon, I have been busy with the Holidays and need to get back on track here at Bella's.

I have been talking to people in my inner circle of friends or people who can get "clinical" about these types of matters. I have been saying for awhile that it seems ADD/HD humans are persecuted and not tolerated ... I used to be a persecuter as well. I see a need for some clean up ..... I will say this over and over as to birth into the light that which is in the dark ~

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful.