True Honest Love ...

I usually would not share what I'm about to share however I was so moved by this occurance that I
cant hold it in and I want it documented. I have always prayed in a particular way for my son in regards to a signifigant other, that would be in his life. My sons girlfriend is a lovely addition to our family. My son has been accepted into the fold of her family as well.
Every morning my son and I pray ... especailly for his sweetheart, as we are on our way to school. Nothing elaborate just want to bless the day before it begins. My son wanted me to hurry up and pray this morning so he could listen to some music before getting to school...I got frustrated as I had just pulled out of our neighborhood and was wanting a few seconds to settle in ...SO ... I told HIM to pray (I usually do the praying and he agrees). I caught him on this one, he was stunned now that the burden was on him. When he prayed for his girlfriend, it went a little like this .. he asked for healing to occur over time, so that she may live a longer life. Miss sweetheart has many chronic conditions that may shorten her life and I heard my son rally for her. Not only did he rally for her ... he has accepted her ... ALL OF HER! I wept later in the morning as I thought back to his prayer. Late this evening I shared with my son how he made me feel proud and honored to be his mom. I told him how lovely it was ... the way he loves Little Miss Sunshine (I love her too). My son told me he and his girlfriendhad a very open conversation about her health and that she had explained the consequences he could face by attaching his heart to her. My son went on to explain, that he had indeed told her he accepted her despite the potentail risks within his heart, and took on the possibility of loosing her someday. I told him that he has given her the greatest gift of love and acceptance. I told my boy that this act of love to a woman is very signifigant. I explained ... by not rejecting her, he most likely saved her a ton of emotional pain from the possible fella's who could have rejected her. I told my son that he is a real person ... who is true to himself and one who truly loves. I shared my morning prayer time occurance with two of my female friends and they were taken back ... I saw and heard their breath leap ... both women called my boy a man. Tonight I talked to my friend/little brother, Soleman. I read this entry to him. Soleman's response was ..."it is good to know there is another person out there that has a heart, because there are not many like your son out there" he also said .. "I raised a good boy" then stopped ...and said "actaully I should say MAN because no boy would ever do that."
True and Honest Love .... I'm personally very honored to witness such beauty!!

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful ....

Lil' Red and Goal Statements ....

Thanks for the comments about Lilly for those of you who wrote in!!! It was delightful to (in a way) share my joy and then have a return via the comments. Yep ... sigh, I have fallen for a four door! :) I will keep everyone updated as to How Lilly is ... I cant wait to give her a hand washing!


~ My sister and I have been looking into a business plan ... No secrets will be shared on this yet ... I will say, it is the best business plan I have ever seen! We will be writing goal statements about everything regarding our futures ... I like this idea. That Bibbia book says without a vision, people perish ... Cultivating the heart and mind for a future and a hope is fun I think. I have heard that most people who makes goals and write them down end up going back years later and noticing they have accomplished much, if not all that they professed to do. So Profess on I say to myself ... even if I feel I cant accomplish something I will profess that I will!

Here begins yet another season in my life ... I can feel the sunshine, it seems like fall and winter have passed and the more pleasing weather is here and more is on its way. I'm amazed looking back into October and November of 2005 ... so glad I'm not there any more but would not exchange that pain, as I have internally evolved to a place where I embrace myself in a way that is balanced and healthy. What is on the tree now that the leaves have blown off? I say "anything I want" will be on the tree. I will dream and make dreams come true, I will continue to fight for others, after I fight for my family first. I see blooming petals on the branches with all kinds of different fruits and even some exotic ones like grapes that are suppose to be grown on a vine. No limits, nuts figs veggie's .... no limits!
The tree is big and the trunk is majestic and gives the assurance in its structure that it is rooted and grounded. The tree is planted by living water and will never die or suffer severe and chronic drought.
I have a beautiful mind and thankfulness spills over in me for this ~

Lil' Red ...

Okay, so my car has taken a dive off the deep end. I'm now blessed with a Little red Honda Civic that (back in the day) came "factory" without a mirror on the passenger side.
I have never made a monthly car payment and I have saved a ton of money AND have had cars that have taken me years before needing to be replaced.
By the way, her name is Lil' red (not "little") Lil or Lilly for short if you will. 5 speeds on the floor (stick shift) been awhile since I drove one of these and somehow she makes me feel a ton of joy ... she is fun and a little bit of a challenge.

It is these types of things in my life that I love to live, love to experience. I like putting the humor into my circumstances and watching how it affects others as they watch me. It is amazing to me the vain desires that are within me regarding material possessions ... there is nothing vain about this car but I have a feeling she is going to teach me things I would have never known if she was not in my life ... much like going through my mid-life ADD/ADHD diagnoses. I remember writing about the wind coming into my life daily ... sometimes violent and other times softly. It was as if I was a tree and my leaves were being blown off and as they left, a new understanding would be in place or a lie would be wiped from my mind. This was a season of refinement and I can tell you that I'm stronger now in some areas and more tender in other areas. To feel and experience such a work left in my soul is rather phenomenal.
I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful ...

Hmmm....

I dont know what to put as the title today. I had an appointment with a third psychologist for the first time today who will be looking into my medications. The other two Docs I had on board worked on the official diagnoses. I hate med changes but I go through it becasue it helps me know and understand what may be out of balance in my brain functions. I heard once that one of the "noted" antidepressants around...taken over a long period of time showed re-growth in the hypothalmus. I asked the Doc ... will doing this help my brain kick up the connections/chemicals or whatever if taken consistantly ... he said no. I'm looking into grade A essential oils as they are like liquid acupunture (in my mind) and HIGHLY affective at causing the brain to be oxygenated and certain cells walls in the body to soften again after the abuse they get through our daily habits. These are JUST two areas ... there are many oils for many purposes. If you look into ancient medicine (the bible) you will find essentails oils at the top .. not a perscription to cure back then ... this fact alone is something to think about. it is evident that I have been working hard on my health ... and I will not stop. I saw my foot doctor today as well I told him I need to get this foot back because I had a heck of a year. He asked why and I told him I was diagnosed mid-life with ADD/HD. In a nut shell he was all over that and understanding me...he told me he has 1 child that has aspegers another with ADD and a third that has bi-polar. I told him what I have told everyone ...read the ADHD-Autism connection by Daine M. Kennedy. Wow what a day so far.
I have a beautiful mind and I thank God for it...

Candy Cane Coffe and Jingle Bell socks .....

I really have a fun life! These pictures were taken once upon a morning ... a documentation of my daily ritual as I bring my son to school for the fifth year in a row ... it is nice to have this time with him before we start our day~

I can assure you, that I in no way looked put together this morning! :)

Profile of my morning driving attire: Starting with my toes... (1) pair of hand knit, red and white striped socks with a green fuzzy tassle AND BELL at the ankle. (2)Baby Blue Pj's bottoms with yellow rubber ducks, white bubbles with a v neck t-shirt to boot! COAT: NOT my italian red leather one you see in the picture's...rather my full length sweater coat that goes from the very top of my feet on up and has "knit" buttons (people love this coat)!
Profile of my journey to school and back: My son and I have some baisc life instruction RE: how to defrost the rear window (again) as he starts the car every morning. After I drop my boy off, I head back home and decide I better get a cup of coffe as I have a meeting this morning and then I have to work ... I'm busy. I see my local gas station friends have a bare parking lot !! SWEET! I fold over the bells on my candy cane, hand knit socks as to not alarm anyone in the store.....as I enter my friends greet me with smiles. The woman cashiering knows me and I giggle and tell I'm in my pj's doing a 007 run for coffee ..... and the next thing you know .... she offers me the rest of their candy cane coffee from the holidays! Five sealed bags of candy cane coffee!! I never make coffee at home, but I know a few who do. One of my favorite ways to drink coffe is with a mint (I rarely do this) but this coffe fits the bill as far as liking! As I get finished paying for my piece of fruit and cup of coffee, I confess the fact the I have socks with bells on them and that I flipped over the top as to ,,,,and the attendant finished my sentance___"so no one could hear!!" We laughed ... then she said "TELL NO ONE.. I wont tell anyone" .. and we both giggled again and called the situation WAY too funny!

This could leave one to wonder what it would be like to be in my shoes for one day.
I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful!
P.S. My grandma knit those candy cane socks ... life is fun, now I have a story to tell her!

Saturday (ECC:3)...

Kirk Franklins "September" is my song for the Year ... (A) September is when my birthday is and (B) Listen to the words!
See This MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/kirkfranklin

This link is for those who read regularly ... you have followed my season and I hope this song brings it all together for you! Look below at all the seasons life can bring!

Ecclesiates 3
There's a Right Time for Everything

1 There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

2-8 A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

I purpose to be thankful that I can go through seasons with the beautiful mind I have been given ~

2006 ...

The very first picture: The black and white one, head leaning on hand and no smile ... actually I was not feeling well that day ... the pic was a fluke really, I was just playing around with that i mac book "Sassy" that I have come to love. She visits my home when I need her ... she has saw me through the roughest times during 2006 showing me myself when I was not really looking. I saw art and creativity and then at times I saw a woman in process...

2nd picture: "The journalist" a new found way of taking pictures "in cartoon" as I happily embraced the fact that I would not have to write daily with zero creativity to go with my words ...
3rd picture: Wow, I can do black and white photos close up and take all of the little flaws out ..tee hee..my little secret!
4th and 5th Picture .... green with grief and in sepia sadness I did travail. Funny that I took all of these pictures essentially by myself ... I felt alone as well. This season was so painful that I cringe when I look back .. those days are still doing a work in me. I stand more patient and confident than ever now and I have a compassion for people I have never had before ... this is good. There are many other internal strengths that this pain birthed in me... like I said there is still a work cultivating inside of my soul.
6th picture: A FAVORITE ... "the" black and white shot with the brainiac glasses on my face. Mind you ... I had zero makeup on (purposely) and came up with this the scholar if you will. I love this picture as it symbolizes the beautiful mind at work wrapped in creativity and "smarts." I never think about Bella's being beautiful' in Italian because it is not my native tongue, it just does not resonate. As I continued my painful grieving, journaling and picture documentation, I began to see beauty all around this whole season I was going through.

7th picture: Well I did not intend to have this be the seventh picture. I started to write as I'm watching the slide show, I was going to write about prayer ... the number seven reminds me of God. Does it surprise me that this just happened ... no and I do not mean to be mystical about this ... I do not have to be really, I just continue to document as I have been and strive to be as "real" as possible.
8th and last picture: I am re-creating my life in many ways, taking the shadows of an invisible disorder and showing the dance to everyone in the most creative of ways that I can come up with. This mid-life diagnoses story is not over ... it has left me speechless in many ways, but I could not and would not stop expressing. As soon as the words come I will share them. Stay tuned because the "winds" have changed my mind for a season I have yet to unveil (with Gods Grace and help) of course shall this be done ... I never work and walk in this life alone, even when I feel the opposite.
"He" has given me a beautiful mind and I am very thankful~