Healing ...

I'm healing and taking hold of my life like never before. Every day I make a conscience choice to choose life. It has been proven that there are two atom's that co-exsist ..... each atom represents a different outcome per circumstance.

Every day is a day of re-building my mind. Sari Solden talked about this as a much needed process. When I first read about this concept, I knew the work would be ahead of me. I also knew that the payoff would be good even though I could not see the outcome.
"Life is easy" ... "All good things come into my life"...... these are my mantras as of late. I profess the exact oppposite of what was before, to bring about what will be .... I have caught a vision for this season of life and I will walk it out with joy!

I have a beautiful mind and I'm forever thankful for this!

Purple Reign

I like the song by Prince "Purple Rain". There is one debate as to what the song is speaking to. Is it purple rain becasue of a suicide witnessed via a gunshot or does Purple rain mean purple REIGN as in the color Purple beign a royal color and one is wishing a good thing for another. A great play on words none the less. This whole experience with ADD/HD could be one of two things ...... it could be raining on me and drowning me or I can reign because of it. I choose to reign.....but I can not begin this reign in front of the world like I did my grieveing stage. The focus is intense .... and one must not be swayed by others thought or opinions.

This is a metamophasis ..... and it is grusome in a way to say the least. I will tell you why it is grusome and why I think most people do not change in their lives. The change is grusome because the people closest to you want you to stay the same .... thay are not comfortable with the challenges one may go through when changing the mind of all things. If I was learning to use an arm or a leg again that would be fine ......but this is way deeper...I'm learning to use my brain in a way that I can succeed and not be in the places I have been. The brain affects the moods, thoughts feelings and so on. All external, all very complicated to watch ..... watching is nothing .... just support me I think in my head...just be positive and give me that strength. I beleive most people DO NOT change things like this in their life becasue they know sub- consciencly that the world around them will create an oppossing force because THEY have discomfort with such changes. This is more than a repair ..... my motherhood, my finances, my every decision from now on hinges on this. Essentailly, everything is or has been broken and I'm on a mend from 36 years.
The necessary here is beyond what I'm willing to share. Some would say I need miracles for my back that has suffered under great amounts of my bodies electrical charge. Financially I have been taken advantage of in the work place (of all places) and more, so yes, I'm trying to repair that ... I could go on ..... and I will not. Im here to tell you today that I'm focusing on being "the first one to walk in healing" over AD/HD. I was not the first one to use some of those words, hence the quotations just used. Before all of this AD/HD trauma, I lived anonymously (for ten years) becasue my ex threatened to kill me and kidnap my son. You see, ADD/HD has really affected my entire life. I'm in control now, not some invisible monster that lurked in my mind. In fact there have really never been any... only a beautiful mind that is now understood. I will venture to say this .... my beautiful mind is more beautiful than I ever knew .... I truly am thankful and I cant wait to share more in time.




I have a beautiful and powerful mind and I'm thankful~

Spelling errors included ...

Ath << see this... was suppose to me "At". Well, dyselxia can be co-morbid with beautiful minds as well...you have no idea how many time I type backwards ..blogging has been fun and I hope you are all giggling! I left some eroors in tthis blog today ... thought it may be interesting for onserving alone ... :) I will try to dedicate a whole blog to this someday so you can see how the mind process's ...kinda wild if you ask me!

Many moths ago, I talked about the bitter season I was in. This season has indeed passed. Sari Solden
(author/pschyotherpaist, who was diagnosed mid-life) talked in her book about re-structuring the thought process after awareness has set in. I have been doing this .... I have my son on board as well because my AD/HD has affected both he and I. This has been a painfully slow going...to change the mind is like turning a big ship around in the ocean...it takes time. This has alos been scary. When realizing the quirks in the frontal lobes of my brain had forced me to live by my superconcious brain my whole life I freaked! The good thing about my beautiful mind is this .... I see the whole picture quite often. When I apply myself, study and understand it is more than just facts for me ... I get a three dementional picture or the whole picture some would say. This applies to my life alone. I have to say this .... it has been an emotional trip to activate my mind in a way that I have not before. It si as if that part of my brain had atrophied and it shook like a weak muscle ... hard to explain brain stuff...but I get it for me...I have comitted to understand me! :)

I have noticed since the intense pain has passed I have been fearful of pouring out some of the other junk I deal with in life. I will ask myself why .... when I come to that answer or when that answer comes to me I will wrtei about it. One thing comes to mind right away ...if it is not about AD/HD I guess I feel I would be off track here as this Blog is dedicated to AD/HD.

For now and always ...I 'm thankful for my beautiful mind.

More interesting news....

I have much to say but no time to wrtite.....
I will leave the newest pics then come back later.

Thankful still for my beautiful mind~

This is David ...

So David is an artist and we had fun with my "sassy Mac Book" last night ...
Here are some pics we "figured out" as we were trying out my photo lab after Kenpo Karate class! It was fun to show our "art" in such a short order of time..the other students were talking Kenpo and we were off to the side having a hoot being artists! MAC's are great!

This Kid is awesome ..... in Kenpo class he is the only ... let me repeat the ONLY one I can hit AND the only one I feel comfortable opening the can on! :) I can tell he can take the pain.
It is A HUGE gift for fella's to let the females learn like this, becasue if attacked they now will be more inclined to be able to defend themselves.
Kenpo has been a type of medicine for my whole life. It is great and I love it a ton.
Here is to the martial arts and more...

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful!

My Own Sassy...

If you have been reading for some time, then you will know who "Sassy" is!
Sassy is a MacBook ... now I have one of my very own... college is the excuse and reason...but Bella's Blog was MADE (from day one) with a MacBook.

Yep...new pics as of today ...I had zero makeup on and I'm a very tired girl. I can see how the stress wore on me this last season. It is weird to capture your face for months and see the change ... it really speaks volumes of what a broken heart and stress can do to a person. But guess what! I cant even begin to find the time to tell you all how positive I am in my daily life now MORE THAN ever!! This rough season changed me inside-something I would not exchange for gold! I know better what it means to have a beautiful mind and the world is changing as a result of this womans heart...I fight now, more than ever, for those who do not have a voice~

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful....

TBI

I said I would write about "Temporary Brain Injury" so I will fallow through on my promise. I can not say I'm in a great mood today ... however I'm managing it fine. My goal is to experience a more tempered electrically wild world (thru meds) of being able to focus well enough, so that I can tell the difference...then pattern from there new behaviors and awareness.
This is a great lead into the TBI subject. AD/HD can be brought on by certain brain injury's, seizures, strokes and other medical triggers as well. So now we have medically induced AD/HD. I looked into this subject a little and I guess ALL of the syptoms between AD/HD and TBI (in frontal lobe area) are the same. The treatments and medications used are apparently are the same, but they come form totally different places. One is medically induced as I stated and the other, one is born with like my case. I know two people who have medically induced AD/HD .... I see their state and in my opinion, they are both unaware of the effects as of late. The person I have known for years definitely knows they have this as a diagnoses but is still unaware of how it infects relationships and relationship to everyday life. The second person I know does not have an AD/HD diagnoses ...they have TBI in the frontal lobe area of the brain where AD/HD can and does stem from. Through brief conversation (and my experience with this person) the AD/HD symptoms are blatantly obvious. This second person I do not know well. I would be curious to know if their current behaviors are much different from before their TBI symptoms. If not, I would wonder if they had this AD/HD (stubborn) problem all along, thus it would not be "TBI" but rather congenital AD/HD. It seems like NO-ONE asks theses questions of themselves or their medical Doctors. It seems like NO-ONE advocates for themselves...we lay down in our passivity and suffer the consequences thereof. The only fighters I have come across that are close to the arena I'm in, are those parents of Autistic children!! KUDOS to them! I have had SOOO many people come into my life with AD/HD problems .... and I know it is so I can reach out to them. I believe when we begin to heal we attract others who need awareness and healing themselves. I can't tell you how strong I feel about this!! My sister heard a doctor speak on AD/HD a week ago. She noted the doctors description of our beautiful minds (from one aspect)....AD/HD (beautiful minds) see the whole picture at once. The problem with this ...?.... the people that do not see the whole picture at once have a hard time receiving form your insight and vision if you will. We are not mini Gods and do not claim to be ....but we have a beautiful ability to see in dynamic ways....HOWEVER, if we go untreated and unaware, we will destroy others around us and eventually ourselves!
The problem with AD/HD is this .... it is a problem (in my opinion) that must be confronted by the outside first. Meaning one has to accept when another who "KNOWS what the symptoms are" and recognize when confronted! That person then has two choices-A. be humble and start learning so YOU CAN SEE or B. keep walking along life, stubborn and blind until you self distruct. Here are some simple indicators (my opinion alone here) ...Note your age in light of; addictions, broken relationships, career and schooling. Usually all or most of these have suffered... and in my case my body would do what my heart said NO to! Do not get me wrong I have great self control despite my case. I would love to set a standard as to classify 1st 2nd and 3rd degree symptoms. This would be good for awareness if you ask me. NOTE THIS ... AD/HD is an invisible disorder because sufferer's are HIGH functioning and NOT globally impaired. Once awareness is there ...we COULD see more than ever.....we COULD feel more than ever....we COULD can connect with others better than ever as well! I refuse to be a COULD of SHOULD of anymore. I will and am!!

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful~