Not afraid of the masses

50 FIRST DATE'S ..HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MOVIE YET??
I'm doing a literature exploration, myself and two other Princess Warriors are reading a book and then we will discuss, ponder and search within and without for the deeper meanings therof. The book is called Captivating, "The Unveiling Of A Womans Soul" By John and Stasi Eldredge.

After the unveiling of the fact that women's deeper waters have been put by the wayside in our culture (by the church mainly) some simple questions are asked to help us as women kinda get in touch with the mystique within. One question put to me was ... what are your favorite movies ... the first two that came up to mind was 50 First Dates and Sweet Home Alabama. I stopped at 50 first dates because it stunned me, it spoke to my core and and an aha moment occured. I resonated with 1st with the movie and 2nd the very reason why this movie grabbed my soul then (when I first saw it) and now knowing what I know~

Ever since the beginning of time women have had an inate desire to be part of a great adventure and to have their beauty unveiled. We struggle with our imperfections as a natural consequence of being on this earth alone, but the woundedness that occures over life can really make these inate desires more like a battle. A battle that we win within or one that can kill us from the outside. This war starts when we are defenseless, during the days of little dress's or bib overalls ... dancing in front of our (fathers mainly) but our parents ... and we say inside ... am I lovely, do you see me? In the book it talks about, the oh so common parental resonse being ... get off the coffee table now honey or settle down. We get pushed aside and this encodes into our mind and there starts the woundedness. (I think) we as women inherit rejection from that point on. God Bless the parents that had the wisodm that most don't have to nurture their little girls. Our cultures AROUND THE WORLD wound women, so to have the void in the home is just compounding a wound that is inevitable to happen (in my opinion).
50 1ST DATES..
Simple plot in this movie, love one day at a time and forgive and forgett!... Male lead role played by Adam Sandler along with leading female role played by Drew Berrymoore do justice in this film. I saw it before I was even close to being aware of my ADD diagnoses. I remember thinking that I was so glad they brought to light the knowledge of severe head injuries. The movie revolves around a girl who got in a car accident and her memory (via a head injury) is destroyed. To care for her needs, her father and brother replay the same day for her every sinlge day so she wont go into a state of truama. Adam comes on the scene and falls in love with her ...you so gotta see this movie to appreciate it! HEY FELLA ....Loving her is not an option as she cant live like the rest of us!!! Well this fella learns this, when the dad, brother or ADAM screw up her day she gets thrown into a tornado...goes to the Doc who once again tells her what happened to her ... she has a hell of a day for the rest of the day and wakes up the next morning not remebering a thing and they start all over. The mind is a maze of utter power and mystery !!! This gilrs doom to rejection subconsciencly resonated within me and I cried when I saw it but I cried even more when I saw ADAM loving on her and every time he took her out on a date IT WAS A FIRST DATE!!! GET IT?? EVERY DAY HE COULD GET HER TO SAY YES HE LEARNED MORE ABOUT HER AND WOVE THAT INTO THE NEXT DATE AN SO ON.
Well then he wanted to marry her this meant a big no can do because of her mind. I feel like this lately, it is painful, scary and the like. I have needs and if they do not get met the man in question will scare me off for good because at this point I cant hurt anymore. I would have to tell you my whole life story to enlighten you and I do not want this, but trust me there has been mass circumstances of pain when it has come to relationships....now that I know what I need.....I wonder if one would lay down his life for me like Jesus did for the church. That is a mandate from scripture as to how a man ought to love his wife ... I dont see a whole lot os this anywhere .... I see divorce everywhere ... so even in our culture I feel a bit doomed.
So the movies ends with Drew waking to a sign that says watch this video beore you do anything. The tape is pictures of her car crash, articles as well and her family then speaks to her. She is made daily to accept her reality as she emerges from her bedroom like a scared kitten. The last scene the family is on a house boat or sail boat, she watches her morning video and emerges unto the deck where her approx. 3 year old daughter greets her along with her husband, dad and brother. Whatever she did the day before is not put on her ... it cant be ... she cant remember if she had PMS and got crabby or not!! Her husbands mercies are new for her every day and if they were not it would constitute abuse as she "has specail needs".
SO I ANSWERED THE QUESTION AND MANY MORE THAT I HAVE BEEN HAVING....The movie I like is fifty first dates ... I like it because I need to be loved like this or I can get wounded deeply. I can say I have been deeply loved but not coupled with the proper treatment.
I asked three friends to pray for me every day last year. I told them I have some issues and I needed to get to the bottom of. If they could not comitt to pray everyday, I would find someone who could because I was desperate. God has answered my prayers and I'm here today. A girlfriend told me last night she could never bear her soul as I do here at Bella's. I told her, ever since I was a little girl I saw myself in front of a sea of people ... there was a melody coming out of me but the people were crying and touched (not in a bad way) I saw "profound all over it actually! I told my girlfriend " I have always felt called to the masses" it does not bother me to be here, it does not scare me either ....
Today what does scare me is being hurt in a relationship as I have been toyed with because I'm unlike anyone fella's have ever met and they want to get to know me so they draw me in with all they have. I have discovered if a man wants to live under reproach instead of above it sends me to an unhappy place neurologically!! I have little controll ove this , believe me I have tried to be the toughest and more. The woundedness that occurs is deeper than you want to know(intergartional sensory level here). I have learned how to cope at these levels but the reality is this... God loves me and He does not want me to have to cope, He wants me to be loved (not by a perfect man) but with a level of qualities that are inate and God given so each day I can emerge from my mental reality without worries of "rejection" unfaithfulness, divorce and all the other "root" uglies poisoning relationships these days. These realities hit me SOOO HARD this week ... I felt hopeless....still wondering about the future~ I love my God because he is a mircacle worker of magnificient proportions. He has had my back even when I have essentaily spit in His beautiful face. He knows me and He knows how to Love me and I thank Him ... for without Him I would feel utterly, bitterly lonely~
I have needs because I have a beautiful mind. My needs are beautiful because they cultivate, they demand the most beauty out of life to stand and be recognized. My needs demand (not perfection from a man) but rather a man to know the absolute knowing of the Blood of Jesus and the King that His bloood makes him. This is the deepest most profound truth any man could ever embrace but most dont ... because they are beaten down in our culture as well. I'm a Princess to A heavenly King and I have a beautiful mind and I thank him for this~