A Monkey Or Two On My Back ...

The three things that make up health ... Eat, sleep and exercise. If you can do these things well enough ... then they say you are healthy. I learned this when I used to hold a national certification as an aerobics instructor.
I have had extreem imitations in all three areas ...not feeling so healthy these days.

Due to situational depression; (starting with particular stresses with my last full time job) and this mid-life diagnoses etc. ... I have had to try a few different anti depressants.

I will call them( anit-dep's) OR and TA as I do not know the law and wish nothing to offend. With these last two lovelies, I inherited muscle tics.... I got off the drug and the muscle tics have stayed along with memory issues. Noted issues with memory ...I forgot to put a particular piece of clothing on the other day and Yep ... I have had it.!! I have never had these problems and this only occurred in conjunction with Ta and OR. I don’t like taking meds but I’m fighting to stay in a good place due to all of the stress and the stress's I cant solve without a miracle or help.

I talked with my doctor this week...we have scheduled a EEG, we will be taking a look at MY BRAIN. I remember a wise man once telling me to be careful with all of these “anti-depressants”... he lives out east somewhere ;)
Yes, I heard that but I must say … things have been the lowest ever. It would not be over dramatic to say that I'm a suffering daily!

I have not been open here about the troubles I’m having. Physical, financial, all disabling and all things I do not want to air out. I have to remind myself that I felt called to do this Blog and I have to remember to have faith as I follow this. Bella's is one way I find peace and justice in the mix of all of this. I have to put away my shame and let others judge me if they read and let others be helped as they read as well.
I told me ex-fiancé’ today that being a woman with ADD/HD is far more complex in my understanding then males (he has ADD as well). Some of the ADD was noticed in males because they were hyper and hyper- sensitive and this was outside of their rough and tough demeanor. Girls were not recognized because we were classifieds as more emotional and sensitive anyways…. See it?…Sari Solden’s book speaks to this.
I went on to explain sensitivities and LD's that are now evident to me. OK...I’m a very strong woman…. I have been through things that have lasted years…stresses that I will not mention. Very strong people have told me, "YOU are a strong woman." I’m here today to say this…. if my body did not hold me back from what my heart and mind is capable of … I would have already changed the world as we know it.

I have thorns in my flesh … this I now know … I also have a beautiful mind ~