Know who your friends are in your darkest hours~

I have made a decision to fight for myself as I go through this "Darkest Hour."

I will define and or re-define friendships and who I am for my health. I will tell my beautiful mind that it is annointed for purpose. "There is a plan unfolding for you" I will say..."To do great and mighty things beyond current knowing or understandings." Grief and tears may come as a natural result of living life. So this is true...OK...I'm true! I'm alive! Touche' I will bring on some of my Miss Zoe!!! Look for a weaving that will evolve here at Bella's from today on! A weave made of fibers untouchable, many colors of positive power mantra's that will form art, and the transformation of a human soul. I may undo a weave and re-do it better, the journey will be amazing and full of dynamics yet unseen.... stay tuned!

So far there has been a "live" story unfolding here....do you ever wonder what is in the center of it all? God is in the center, and I am unfolding a mystery of my very own mind. To visit Bella's is to experience a 36 year old woman walking through a mid-life diagnoses of ADD/HD. So common those letters ADD/HD ... white noise they have become! What is so profound to me is this "white noise" has a core of many unsung sad stories of lives mis-understood that are yet un-heard and literally left in the wake of the deficiet itself. Tell me, I say to myself....with this reality at hand, what are the chances, of those drowning in the depths of ADD/HD. Will they be heard when they live amongst the unbelieving? In a numb land of white noises, the climate is always overcast with the clouds of ignorance....rarely doth the sunlight shine. This is the lonliest land I have ever traveled, even though there are masses of others just like me....this is a dark land...who turnded down the lights and why?
Why is this the land a place of discovery where you find out who your true friends are? Why is this the land of grieving? Someone said to me this week...what is there to grieve Zoe, you have been this way your whole life! I wanted to say ... then you know more than I know. I wanted to ask, would you not grieve the "not knowing part" ESPECAILLY if everyone else knew, but you did not? How loney I say to myself...how ignorant are those who live on the outside of all of this, it is not their fault. However,if they had one small into my realities, their mouths would silence involuntarily. It validates me to say this becasue I strongly believe this is true. I have bottles of tears to prove this, tears that cant be cultivated at will, they bring pains in the body and some...hello world...do my words resonate anywhere in your soul? This week a person I call my _______ friend who has ADD betrayed me, left me in utter physical danger and trauma. I was directed by my boss who was knowledgeable RE: "med changes"(I was going through one) hence, my doctor and boss rescued me. I blame my friends ADD as the culprit in this betrayl. My ____ friend is medically trained who has ADD and it seems the land of white noise has taken a toll on this persons soul.....this I fear is where we fellow americans have led one another as a culture. Pride, lust, selfishness, mania untamed and greed are at the throats of the conscience's in our people. Let this story tell a tale of what unmanaged ADD can form in a person who is driven to distraction...the heart never connects properly and they are selfishly formed (not on purpose) into a clay pot that is hardened and marred.
**As a survival tactic, I declare with all that I am.....I will define my friendships both by observation and communication and live them out from there. I cant betray myself umongst the villagers of tribal commune's that hunt only for themselves. I will forgive such a people even as they hover over their kill only to keep secrets, unconfessed sin and a fake persona worn on their back...the persona they wear on their back is the only part of them they let anyone see, as they are a villager, a tribal member of the worlds ways, lacking the knowledge of who 'LOVE' is. This "love" unknown leaves a people who cant live out love profound. All mankind would do well to ponder this reality ..... I ponder, so I can nourish my mind to discern, so I may choose life......... as life and death are set before us all daily.

I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful!