A HUGE BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!!!

I'm in counceling and my therapist started to tell me that she see's an autism connection with my ADD. I have been saying this throughout. I have been told by some that i'm not seeing right, they were wrong, my insight into myself was right on. We are talking more about this and someday maybe someday someone will listen. I can not tell you how wonderful it is to be heard and to be validated. Time to explore more, now I have more to write about. :)
I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful!!!

Link

This is great information!
http://www.itvisus.com/programs/hbhm/episode_815_AdultADHD.asp
Giving thanks for my beautiful mind~

ADD/HD And Stress

My first goal in writing here was to talk about what it was like to go through ADD/HD mid-life diagnoses as a female. I wanted to let it all out even if it made no sense at times so people could get an inside look at what a beautiful mind electrically charged looks and sounds like. Sometimes it is profound and other times it is a mess.


After I was diagnosed and started writing here I got sick and was in bed for most of the last three years. I isolated myself (Lord knows I have done this before). I had to ask myself why I did this because this time when I chose this route I hurt myself immensely and intense loneliness has since taken it's toll.


I isolate for two reasons....I don't like rejection and I don't like feeling like a burden to others. This all stems from being so dang sensitive and having that mind that can break down fast under stresses. You see, I know full well when one shares their burden with another, automatically the one listening to the hurts and pains of the other human will carry their burdens whether they want to or not, its a normal human response. I did not want to be a burden to anyone and in doing so I have become severely lonely. Silly me. One way I can reverse that which I created is to write about it. This time I'm going to write for me not for others. This season of my life is ALL about loving myself and giving myself the best.


I have become aware that I need to "create" better outcomes for life circumstances. My latest creation was changing my hair color. We found a Goliath size kidney stone that broke me over a period of a couple months ending with surgery and pain levels that were worse than throwing a normal kidney stone. I felt cursed. To take care of my beautiful mind I changed my hair color. Yes, after 16 years of being blond I am blond no more and it was a lovely distraction from all the current physical pains that seemed to intensify the ones I have been having over the last few years. I like to think I prolonged my life a little more by converting stress in a creative way. Truly, I have a beautiful mind and I'm thankful.

Kidney Stone Week.Blah.

My body has produced a kidney stone that is 2.8 cm.
Surgery will be Fri Dec. 19th ... A second surgery may be needed.
I'm embracing the process......
See the pic of my kidney and "the infamous stone" ... The Doc. let me take pics of it with my cell phone. :)

No to stupid.

RE: People who have symptoms of ADD/HD. It makes my heart sad when I hear about these folks being called called stupid and more because of the HUGE lack of education that exists among our society. I look at people (ALL PEOPLE) differently now and my world has changed to be more inclusive and less exclusive. I have done what most people that I know with ADD/HD don't do and that is to change my "stims" ie: talking to much and the like. I have bent for others and because I know I have been judged for my quirks. I just wish this message could get out. Oprah, where are you when I need your voice? lol!!


P.S. We have snow In Minnesota!!!!! :)

Update for my friends and family.

Hi my name is Zoe and I'm a chronic pain sufferer?

Where do I begin this? I don't know.

My back went out soon before I got diagnosed with my ADD but ...I NEVER TALKED HERE ABOUT THIS.

For the record...Eloquent writing is out for me right now. Please forgive me, I'm not feeling to creative and my head is all over the place ...and I'm in pain.


Many of you know I have been out of the loop the last three years. Dance partners and friends alike saw me drift to my bed and suddenly I was absent from you all. You all know this because the invites you keep sending me get met with my frequent declines. Now we are about to learn why. I have been waiting as long as many of you have been. I want to thank you all though for loving me. Not one of you have shown lost love for me but have shown patience and sincerity of care. Thank You. I love you all.


Pharmacy just called. New med, one that matches the pain, hopefully this ani-inflammatory will help. See what kind of morning I am having? Bear with me. I have been in and out of tears today. God help me.


So all this time, we thought it was my "back". X amount of X-rays, MRI's showed us some leads but nothing like the latest MRI that was taken. As many of you know, I just finished a 16 week "Med X" program they have top notch athletes do. I told my Doc. I wanted to be treated like an Olympian not a regular Joe. It worked and took 80% of my pain away....Except for my hips. So this led us to MRI just the hips. We found that I need to go talk to a orthopedic surgeon. My Doc thinks I need arthroscopic exploratory surgery first to see how to repair cartilage that is all compromised and some cysts they found.


When I finished the "Med X" program I finally felt good. I'm now working out ev. other day and I started to enroll in med. school and more. I saw a light. I still do but I'm crushed. My dreams on hold again? Furthermore, I do not know what my quality of life will me after surgery. My feminine ego is in utter shreds and as you know I lost my home and many dreams only to wait to make new ones to wait once again.

There is a positive to every negative. There is also an unavoidable, appropriate time to grieve all the facts. As I do, keep reminding me that there is a positive side....if I cry don't bother just keep smiling at me k?


I want to publicly thank my son for being a real man. He has manned this ship we call home all while working and going to school. it is impossible in a family dynamic to understand a chronic pain sufferer unless you have suffered yourself. My son had his times so to speak but he has been my hero and the only one to see the worst of me and still come out loving me. I love you kiddo and mom is sorry that my pain has been a part for your journey.


Why so public now? Why not. This is an official problem now. I have magnetic resonated images and answers. Now I can speak more intelligently about myself period. I have stayed back for three years because I risk being a burden or being rejected by folks. No longer is that my motive.

My name is Zoe. This is me. I have a broken heart, broken body and a beautiful mind and I will be thankful.

Today..

Freedoms I have achieved in my journey.
*A better understanding of others.
*I'm FAR more educated on MANY levels!
*Better understanding of myself ... This helps me dismiss the shallow and niave people's negative energy in this world.
*Less bothered by certain personalities.
*I'm a better mom, daughter, sister and friend!
*More to come.

Photo taken on 9-26-2008.
I have a beautiful, capable and magnetic mind. I'm thankful.